Night of the Living Dead

It's official, dungarees are making a comeback. I know this to be true because they were in my bank holiday mail out from Oasis. Which means they've gone - gasp - mainstream. AGAIN.

For some this may be a phoenix from the ashes, although, hello? Were you there in the '90's? They were bad enough then. And yes, I can say that. I saw and I wore.

I think it's safe to say that for me this particular renaissance is less phoenix, and more night of the living dead.

See what I mean? Bad, bad, bad.

So, an appeal:

Ladies, we did dungarees, and oh how we did them. We worked the cropped tee, we worked the webbed waistband of our Calvin Klein underwear, fully visible if you wore your 'rees baggy enough (and we did), but crucially, and this is important, we were teenagers. Yes, teenagers. We knew no better. We read Bliss and J17, we thought All Saints were edgy for a pop band and that Kurt 'RIP' Cobain would live for ever. In essence, we knew nothing. Nothing!

Is it going to be any better this time around? I doubt it. Wearers revisiting the trend will only feel oddly petulant, with a strong desire to start hanging around at the 'rec', drinking cider from a 2 litre bottle, which would, let's face it, seriously perturb the current crop of teenagers who're already there.

A simple equation then. Dungarees + 2010 + previously sane woman = complete embarrassment for society.

Harsh but fair i'd say.

Oh and in case any boys feel moved to give it a go, y'know, in the name of fashion, consider this a warning: Men shouldn't even contemplate working the dungaree unless they are a) legally known as Farmer John, and/or b) featured in the music video for Cotton Eye Joe.